America: Grow Up.

Sure, the Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake Halftime show a few years back during Super Bowl XXXVIII was bad.  I mean, c’mon, it was Jackson and Timberlake.  What football fan in their right mind would think that would be a good show for the culmination of the football season?  On second thought, I’m not too sure I’d want to know the answer to that.

We all know what happened: wardrobe malfunction.  For a nanosecond, Janet Jackson’s right breast was “exposed” to the nation.  Kids cried.  Grownup men contemplated suicide.  It was bad.  Except for the part where you’d have to be a damned android in order to actually see any part of her breasts that haven’t already been seen by millions of people who have watched MTV.  The best picture one can see is nothing short of blurry and pixilated, making it impossible to actually make out any parts of Jackson’s anatomy.

Of course, CBS was was fined by the FCC for breaking the indecency rules that have kept this country a nation of prudes.  What are we, a bunch of 4 year olds?  That’s the only reason why the tv networks are being held to such “high” standards ( I use the term “standards” quite loosely).  Americans are too fragile too immature to be able to make their own decisions about what to and what not to watch or listen.

While on the way to the airport earlier today, I was listening to a news brief on one of the AM news stations in the area and they were talking about the fines that the FCC handed to CBS over the halftime debacle were effectively thrown out.  And that was because of a technicality, not because it was a dumb ass fine.  Of course, the radio station had a sound byte from some spokesman for one of those groups that thinks girls showing some ankle is far too much.  You know, the kinds of people who used to sit and listen to Howard Stern for hours so they could then turn around and complain about the content.  Anyway, the guy was arguing that America was traumatized by what they saw and it took weeks for America to get over it.

No, it took people like that weeks to get over it.  People like me who think that having Janet Jackson on the t.v., let alone in the Halftime show, is a travesty, not the split second nipple slip that no human could have possibly made out.  Those kinds of people think they’re protecting Americans from the horrors of immorality on television.  Trust me, there are far worse things going on in the schools, internet, Catholic churches, Washington and even homes than what’s going on in t.v.

Basically, America needs to grow up.  Americans, in general, need to take charge of their own lives.  The individual American needs to learn to decide what’s good for them and what’s not.  They need to decide if they should be offended, not some agency or group full of prudes.  They need to learn some moderation: I’m not into the whole nudist colony thing, but you don’t see me going ape shit over the fact that people are doing.  Does it affect me personally?  No.  Do I want to see it?  No.  That’s why you’ll never see me going to a nudist colony and avoiding anything to do with them.  Why can’t the rest of America do that?  Why can’t America learn to change the channel or turn off the t.v.?  Maybe once Americans as a whole get over themselves, things will change.  Until then…well, fuck you FCC.

FOX Should Not Be Allowed to Broadcast Major Sporting Events

I think I got all pissy about this during the baseball playoffs last year, but my anger has resurfaced over this one again: FOX is absolutely terrible at broadcasting any sporting event other than football and even then they’re not all that great.  Their announcers aren’t all that great (ok, Joe Buck isn’t too bad…but the fact that he works for FOX makes me hate him), their special effects are tiring, their choices in pre-and-post commercial music downright sucks and they have to stick a mic in every conceivable spot they can think of.  Some of those spots might even violate some laws in several states.

What’s got me going this time is what they did during the baseball playoffs: the same damned “inspirational” music being played over and over again during the All-Star game.  It’s the kind of music one expects to hear during a documentary on the space program that happens to have Tom Hanks doing the voice overs.  Hell, it’s the kind of music that is usually found in a Tom Hanks drama.

Don’t get me wrong, I like inspirational music being played by a symphony as much as the next guy.  But, there’s a time and there’s a place.  Every damned time you go to a commercial or come back from one isn’t the appropriate time for such music.  Not only is the timing horrendous, but the fact that it’s the same sound clip being played over and over and over.  It’s like a horrific train wreck you can’t help but stare at.  It drives me absolutely nuts and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has the urge to take a power drill to their ear drums when watching any significant sporting event on FOX.

It’s like the several times I’ve been to spring training games at Legends Field, home of the Yankees during spring training.  Rather than have some local kid or whatever come in and do the national anthem and seventh inning stretch, it’s the same damned recording of the same damned opera singer that Steinbrenner apparently has a hard-on for.  Seriously?  The richest club in baseball history can’t spring for something better than the same old, tired recording?

And that’s my problem with FOX.  It’s been how many months since the 2007 MLB playoffs and they can’t come up with anything new for the All-Star game?  The network might not be made out of money (or are they?) but you  know they have enough money to mix up the music selection now and then.  Basically, it’s coming down to the fact that I’d rather not watch sports on FOX and just read the recap on ESPN.com because I can’t handle the crap they add into their broadcasts.  It’s like they know they have these events locked up and don’t feel the need to go that extra mile for the fans and it’s infuriating.

The point is, I shouldn’t have to notice the repetition in musical score that FOX has deemed worthy of its audience.  I should be distracted by the announcers and the video feed and the wonderful animated stats they throw up on the screen.  But, the one thing I’ll remember about any of these games I’ve watched on FOX is the damned theme song for the series, or in this case the All-Star game.  And I know I’m not the only one who’s noticed it.

An Open Letter to New Owners of Fuel Efficient Cars

Prices of a necessity goes up and up and up, the obvious happens: people do what they can save money on those necessities.  As far as gas is concerned, people are doing many things to cut back on their gas usage.  They’re driving less, carpooling and trading in their big ass cars for smaller, more efficient cars.  Makes sense right?  Of course people are ignoring the obvious: their driving speed.  The faster you go, the more your fuel efficiency drops.

For the past few months, I’ve been seeing more and more hybrids on the road (Hondas, Toyotas, you know) plus all those compact cars that get their 35 MPG (give or take a few miles or so) like the Corolla and the Focus.  Makes sense given the fact that gas costs over $4.50 around Ventura County and traffic sucks horribly.

The funny thing is that the people I see flying by me at 75+ MPH are the people in these shiny, brand new cars they bought because they’re more “fuel efficient.”  The problem is that cars travelling over 60 MPH see their mileage drop like a stone.  These people spent money on a new car to get better mileage, but then turn around and speed and lose all that extra mileage they just paid for.

Of course, what I’ve noticed with my own car (2001 Ford Explorer with 125,000 miles on it) is that I get slightly better mileage going 70-75 MPH than when I’m driving a steady 65 MPH.  My car has a built in display that shows average mileage, estimated miles left in the tank, gallons in the tank, etc.  Sure, it could need to be recalibrated or something since the car does have a lot of miles on it, but, who knows.

Regardless, if I could afford it, I’d trade in for a Prius.  Hell, even one of those new Focus’ if it means saving a few bucks on gas.  Maybe if gas hits $5.50 or $6.  Wait, what am I saying?  WHEN it hits $5.50 or $6.